Lies, Lies, Lies
Dear Tooth Fairy,
Why you did not take away my tooth. And why is there a google eyes on the house.
Love, Isabella
PS please I want my tooth necklace back you took last time.
—
Our elf on the shelf came all 24 days leading up to Christmas.
Flying reindeer left gnawed on carrots all over our front porch
Then Santa came and left, leaving a path of overstimulation.
Now the Tooth Fairy has to come – for the third time.
Can’t a Mama get a break?
My first grader lost a tooth on the bottom right Wednesday morning. She was very excited, waving it around grinning a three holed smile, two on the front top, one down below.
“I’m putting it under my pillow!” She declares. “I’m going to get another dollar!”
“Okay!” I share in her excitement.
The entire day goes by, evening rolls around, Vijay tucks in our little one and never re-emerges. It’s still early, but both of them are exhausted. I don’t wake him up. He’ll sleep through the night.
A friend comes over with her daughter for a play date. We share some wine. Our kids play. She eventually leaves. I put the other two kids to bed and apparently fall asleep too.
I wake up in the morning instantly realizing my childhood-fantasy-ruining-mistake. And December went so well lying to my children repeatedly.
OH MY GOD! THE TOOTH FAIRY!!! I yell in my head.
I jump out of bed and shoot to her room, hoping she is still asleep. Maybe I can sneak by.
Her door is cracked, not the best sign, but it allows me to peek in and see her without opening the door.
She is sitting on her bed, staring down at the tooth-shaped, hand-stitched, tooth fairy pouch that my mother custom sewed and embroidered especially for this very moment. Her head is cocked to the side, bewildered. Her back is to me but I can still see her flipping the pouch over, pulling her tooth out and putting it back in slowly as if the next time she does it, the tooth will disappear.
I run back to my room trying to think of what to do. My husband was in the shower, but he can still see my grief stricken face through the glass as I whisper/shreek, “Babe! I messed up!”
“Just make up something,” he says. “It’ll be fine.” He’s even worse than I am at the fake-people stuff. Apparently they don’t get quite the same hype in India – at least not when he was growing up.
I grab the dollar she is expecting, fold it up, clamp it to a google-eyed chip clip from the kitchen drawer and place it on top of the Christmas-log-cabin-advent calendar that the elf of the shelf has been leaving little trinkets in for the first 24 days of December. I have to be fast, since she can walk through her door any second. It’s the only thing I can think to do.
I run back to my room and act like I just got up.
The next thing I know I have a first grader standing next to me, “Mom! She didn’t take my tooth!”
“What?!” I exclaim. “That’s really weird! There must be a reason,” I say trying to come up with the reason before she asks. I know the damn reason. Mom thought she could have a glass of wine and pull off a tooth-fairy charade all in one night.
Silly Mom.
She hands me her tooth-fairy pouch, “See!” she waves it. “The tooth is still in there!” she whispers.
“Well, let’s see … what could have happened …”
“Yeah!” she agrees. She looks like a detective hunting for nonexistent clues.
We’re going to crack this case!
“Well, that’s just so weird!” glancing at the Christmas-advent-log-cabin that my grandmother sent me one year, I point toward it. “What’s on there?” I hope my face looks like I’m in total disbelief.
“Oh wow! There’s money on there!” she says.
“Huh? Really? Oh! You are right! That must be from her.” I smile.
“Yeah! But why would she put it out here?” her little nose crinkles. “And … what are those eyes on there for? And … why didn’t she take my tooth?”
Oh man! Those are some really reasonable questions.
“I don’t know? Maybe because Daddy slept with your sister last night and adults can’t be in the room?” I shrug and try to act totally cool even though I know my lies are lame.
“Yeah! That must be it!” she buys it.
That’s right people, I just threw Vijay under the Tooth Fairy bus. I couldn’t come up with anything. This whole thing is just getting worse and worse.
“Maybe you should write her a note? Maybe, since your tooth is still here (she holds up tooth fairy pouch in confirmation), you should write a note and put it back under your pillow tonight. Maybe she will come tonight and take your tooth.” I stammer.
“Good idea Mom!” she’s enthusiastically confused. “Oh! I can ask her for my necklace back!” she adds.
“Huh?” I say.
“You know how I lost my last tooth at school and Mr. Smith gave me a tooth necklace to put it in?” she reminds me.
“Yes …” I say. “You mean the tooth box that was shaped like a tooth and attached to dental floss?”
“Yes! Well, my tooth was in there, but she should just take the tooth and leave my necklace! I really wanted the necklace!” she explains.
“Oh! Okay. So here’s what we’ll do. We’ll put your tooth under your pillow tonight and ask for your necklace back too. I don’t know if the Tooth Fairy will have it, but if she does, I’m sure she’ll leave it.”
We agree with the plan. She heads to my room to tell her dad.
Vijay is still getting dressed. “Dad! The Tooth Fairy didn’t take my tooth!”
I shoot him a stay cool look. He doesn’t know how it all went down yet.
“Oh really?” he says.
“Yeah! I think it’s because you slept in our room last night. Mommy doesn’t think the Tooth Fairy will come when Daddy’s are in the room.”
“Well, the Tooth Fairy used to come when I was a kid. Why wouldn’t she come now? She knows me.”
“UM….” my daughter looks worried.
“Maybe it’s because Daddy is a Daddy now and not a little boy anymore?” I answer. “You know, like Peter Pan?”
“Oh yeah Dad! That’s it.”
—
Dear Isabella,
Here is your tooth-shaped necklace. I had no idea you wanted to keep it. The google eyes clip was there to keep the dollar safe for you. I didn’t want it to fall off the holiday cabin.
Thank you for your tooth.
Love,
The Tooth Fairy
Thank you Elizabeth. I totally enjoyed your story. The best part is that it is true! I get a sense of your family life with your writing and feel that it must be wonderful.
😬🤥